so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
