She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
