I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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