At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
