no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
