There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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