Please, let me fuck your mom
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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