Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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