she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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