you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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