They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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