I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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