I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
