apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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