At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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