I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
