You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
