If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
