I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
