So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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