Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
