Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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