***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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