Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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