i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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