hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
