Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
