I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Bring me that man meat
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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