dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How external is "for external use only"?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk is not a location!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
