So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
