so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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