I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
