Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
