College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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