I accidentally burped into my bong.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
