is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
