I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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