Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
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I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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