yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
