Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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