You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
