i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
