dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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