I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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