been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
