Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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