I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
