every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
