'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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