if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
