You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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