after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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