Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
