Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
