K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
