Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blew my weed a kiss
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize