she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
