so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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