oh god the rape fog is back!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
