I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
