After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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