My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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