rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
