he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
