i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
