Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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