there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
