"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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