He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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