Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
