Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
