did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
