so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
