My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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