I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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