Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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