We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
